Report Card, it’s not about the parent

What I learned about report cards over the last year - blew my mind.

I hope this post helps you to see more of the bigger picture.

When a child’s annual evaluation arrives home - many parents dread it.

Is something unexpected being revealed?

We rarely know what happens inside the school building, how our child gets on.

What is she or he like in a classroom environment?

So, parents are left to their imagination.

What we compare it with is often our own school experience.

How teachers were with us when we were young and what we believed by the time we left school.

Personally, I felt terrified by teachers and it impacted my joy for learning.

The strangest thing was: fellow students seemed to see something in me that I couldn’t.

They voted for me to represent the class for many years.

One childhood friend shared recently: “I admired your confidence and courage”.

What others think about us and what we believe how we are perceived: are often two very different perspectives.

My daughter shared the “Liking Gap” with me:

Studies have found that most people underestimate how much other people like them and enjoy their company.

Report Card: it's not about the Parent

Figuring out how to communicate without the other feeling judged, is becoming one of the most powerful tools in a parent & teacher’s tool box to enhance cooperation.

“If … (insert child’s name) put in more effort and worked harder, … (insert child’s name) could achieve so much more.”

Reading this in past years, I felt so low and believed I was responsible for contributing a lazy future adult to society.

Even worse was not knowing how to share the tremendous effort with the teacher, this child had put in.

Following years of school refusal, holding space and being patient without giving in, this child is now willing to go to school.

After spending many hours with educators from a variety of schools this past year, I can better see the other point of view.

What can be shared on reports cards is limited.

The fine line between conveying how a student carries themselves in school and not giving parenting advice, in my opinion is not an easy task.

Writing about a young person who always:

🌱 listens

🌱 works hard

🌱 is well behaved

is a teacher’s dream.

However, we need to start asking what is going on underneath the surface “for the high-achieving model student”?

When it comes to measuring all children by “what is normal”, we often

overlook the question:

What does “making an effort” mean (not to the teacher, not the parent) but to the child?

We can change how we describe a child by looking for their strengths and at the same time role model how to take accountability for one’s own actions.

I feel so hopeful and grateful for now being able to share with others how to read between the lines.

(Confirming humanity: written by annett)

What did you learn about your strengths in school? Leave me a comment below.