Invaluable Separation Advice

When it comes to navigating through separation, I have been learning a lot over the last 4 years.

Some of it, I would like to share with you.

In a recent podcast “Meltdowns in Public”, I mentioned that a child may blame themselves when external events happen.

Fault

Aside from a marriage counsellor recommending to reveal “the message” gradually, a child also needs to hear that the parents’ relationship change is not his or her fault.

Writing the word “fault” makes me shiver as it is not an easy process to accept a relationship ending in its current form.

For years before and numerous months after, I searched for blame in myself.

I questioned whether there would be an end to this feeling of failure?

The process was not effortless and yet I am grateful for going through it.

A very challenging part is to surrender control how the other parent moves forward when it comes to parenting.

Non-present parent

From spending money to conversation topics to experiences, the non-present parent can sometimes feel:

🌱 left out

🌱 less than

🌱 competitive  

🌱 not enough.

My client Siobhan felt all these emotions when she asked for help with her 8-year-old who was shamed by the ex-husband’s new wife.

Their son needed to start wearing a retainer.

Last week, he came home insisting on ditching it after his stepmother said:

“You sound like an idiot!”

Invaluable Separation Advice

Helplessness

Siobhan felt outraged and yet utterly helpless.

Communication with her former partner is complicated.

Extremely intimidated, he urged his mum to not mention anything.

It had taken my client so much patience for him to want to spend time with the dad’s new family.

Siobhan finds it hard to make ends meet.

Manipulation

She observes how the father emotionally manipulates her children and can’t afford to buy material things in the range her ex-husband can.

There are concerns about his controlling behaviour and her children becoming like him.

After creating a different reaction together with me, slightly tweaking her words - here is what she shared on being able to empower her son.

Shift happens

Instead of giving out about the wasband, she now sees that her children are half their father too.

Every judgement against a co-parent, any child might take 50% ownership for it or more.

Here is where the most magical shift happens.

Siobhan walked away from my “Embracing Boundaries” package having experienced her influence and ability to encourage her boy.

Ask me about details by:

Clicking here

He felt happy and reassured that the retainer was for HIS OWN health.

He no longer felt caught between both parents or afraid to disappoint either of them.

Strength

His confidence to speak up for what he needs, grows.

The mum’s sadness and anger transforming into:

🌱 strength

🌱 good “enoughness”

🌱 courage &

🌱 integrity.

She began taking ownership only of what is within her reach.

Trusting her capability, this single mum is now guiding 2 loving and loveable human beings she knows they are and forever will be.

(Confirming humanity: written by annett)