While writing this first sentence: all I hear is a bird chirping outside my window.
Listening to the sounds of spring is such a hopeful time of year.
What I am about to share with you is a testimony that change is possible.
When a parent comes to me, it is usually because he or she feels stuck and imagined parenting to be different.
Wishing for a child, being pregnant and having a baby - are truly blissful experiences.
Even the baby stage (despite sleep deprivation) is filled with many joyful moments.
Mum & dad are so proud of the magical being they both brought into this world.
When the toddler years arrive for some it can be a surprise to hear this beautiful voice assert its first ‘No’.
When a child develops personality and temperament, I sometimes hear this being a moment when parenting styles clash a little.
First questions are being asked about who is right and who is wrong?
Many couples share with me that they parent how he or she was parented themselves.
What could be the problem with that, one may ask?
We all turned out okay.
When I want to know how to bring about change, the answer usually finds me.
Often it is not what I expected.
We are all different here on planet Earth and yet scientists say: we are more alike than what separates us.
What I am finding that makes parenting so complex in 2024 is that the old tools of power over another are outdated and our children know it.
What I mean is that everything is changing faster and faster.
Keeping up with the latest is almost impossible and too overwhelming.
The frustration I see in parents, is being inundated with information and feeling lost in the chaos.
What is the solution?
“Bringing the crisis closer” is what I heard Steven Bartlett suggest.
In parenting we live with so much uncertainty.
Not knowing how our actions now may impact a child in the longterm - can feel stressful.
Over the past week, I was surrounded by mothers who had either just had their second child or were expecting a sibling for their first born.
It brought me back to this beautiful Summer day in 2013.
It was a very hot Summer.
While many flocked to Irish beaches, I was either indoors or seeking shade for my newborn and 3-year-old.
I will never forget braving the playground one early Sunday morning.
It was my first outing with 2 children on my own.
Highly organised, sleep-deprived yet motivated we arrived at the playground:
Change of clothes for both
Drinks and snacks
Nappy change accessories
Toys
Sling
and so much more …
Then something happened, I could not have been prepared for.
My 3-year-old needed to use the loo in the park and gaining entry required a 20cent coin.
I interrupted my newborn's marathon feed, packed up all our stuff and we walked to the other side.
When we got there it had felt like we just climbed the highest mountain.
I opened my wallet full of coins and the one I needed most, wasn’t there.
It was so early in the day and I felt completely helpless and alone.
Have you ever been there?
I had no capacity to solve this problem.
We walked all the way back in hope of finding another mum whom I would have paid anything in exchange for this precious coin.
Instead I found a group of young people in their early 20’s.
Was my solution here?
By then I had heard the saying: ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’
However!!!
I felt an old program come up inside: The Fear of Judgment.
In fear of being judged for being a bad mother, it took me all I had got to override my mistaken belief of:
‘I am only worthy if I am perfect’.
The next thing I heard was me asking strangers for help.
It was the beginning of a journey of learning to trust my fellow humans again.
When I look back over difficult moments in parenting - the community was always there.
I started to accept what the solution for everything was.
Alfred Adler called it Gemeinschaftsgefühl.
Gemeinschaft is German for : community
Gefühl is the German word for: feeling
Being part of this parenting community (which in my world is called) ‘Effortless Flow’ 💦:
has been my grounding place where creating calmer homes is happening.
Would you like to hear more about it?
When we come together: share our hopes, dreams and challenges, it is so much more enjoyable to be a parent.
What I have come to love the most about these gatherings, are the:
🧡 unexpected solutions
🧡 ideas &
🧡 comments
when others open their chest full of treasures.
Had I stayed in my fear of being judged and shamed, I would never have gotten access to the incredible colour spectrum of this world.
From being jealous of those capable of colouring within the line, I am now undergoing this beautiful transformation.
I invite you to join me feeling the freedom of borrowing others’ crayons to explore the beauty of varying shades and leaving the need for perfection behind.