Would you like to know?
I hope you had a lovely Summer.
You have probably been on holidays and enjoyed a break from the normal routine.
I have made the most out of living in this beautiful country and have been taking my children up and down to the beach in WestCork.
The drives were packed with playlists, we put together and we took turns choosing songs.
What I experienced was a lovely time with my children and leaving the stress in the sea left us so relaxed for weeks.
What I didn’t expect was to find myself sitting in front of a teacher within days of school being back.
Parent-teacher meetings are usually not until later in the year in the school my children go to.
You may wonder what happened?
What happened is not something I can share publicly.
What I am at liberty to mention is that I did not feel comfortable meeting my child’s teacher.
It brought up my own school days - and I felt really triggered.
You may have enjoyed school and may see your child’s teacher as a friend...
For some of us parents, sending our child to school comes with a lot of memories of what we went through as a child.
I won’t go over what I already blogged about this year.
What I would like to depict is what I discovered and how it may help you.
Having a strong-willed child has been one of the biggest gifts of my entire life.
When I feel angry and challenged, it invites me every time to look at my own reaction.
My own unconscious emotions are always impacting how I treat people around me.
What I have come to comprehend is that every one of us has their own weakness.
My one is to not follow through, at times, out of fear: not to be loved.
What I have been observing of late is that my boundaries can be very low.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t know how to be consistent.
It means (for me) to be in a state of panic or fear, when my boundary is being crossed.
How do I know that my boundary is being crossed?
This is a questions I asked in a healing session several years ago.
The answer was: when somebody is coming into your space and you step backwards.
To this I replied:
Am I allowed to tell the other party to move back out of my space???
In hindsight, I am amazed how much my own boundary awareness was missing.
Do you know where your boundary is when it comes to your child?
I would like to find out before my child gets too old, I hear some parents say.
What you will discover in my parenting course is exactly that type of boundary.
When someone stepps over my boundary, I feel powerless and when I step over someone else’s - I feel guilty.
The ideal would be to find this happy medium.
The person I have become, since my strong-willed child has taught me to develop healthy boundaries, has impacted all my other relationships.
What do you think about strong-willed children?
In a recent parenting course, we all agreed that we want our child to be determined and stand up to bullying.
You may agree with us.
What is it that we do to strong-willed children when they don’t behave?
Your child is possibly like mine and sometimes won’t listen or co-operate.
So that’s how I found my niche:
I can help you to be heard and invite your child to co-operate.
When writing this, I realise that I sound like a hypocrite.
I just told you that my child won’t listen and I help you be noticed by your child.
Here is how I believe we grow in life.
If we are genuinely able to help our fellow humans, we need to have experienced it first.
Not that I will discredit somebody who thinks differently - everyone is entitled to their opinion.
However, my style of learning is through experience and I need to be able to relate to the person teaching me.
How could I preach about being listened to if I have a fully compliant and obedient child?
It’s a bit like going to a marriage counsellor who enjoys a marriage made in heaven.
I am more convinced learning from someone who has walked their talk.
So that’s what I spent all Summer fine-tuning.
I help parents and care-givers like me who have a child who may be a little sensitive at times and who may be the complete opposite at different times.
I was that child.
What I perceive as a gift is to now have principles and tools that help me raise my child, the way how I would have loved to been brought up.
If this message resonates with you, then I am the person who can help you.
Having an approach that works when you put your mind to it, is worth more than any material wealth to me.
How much would you pay for a calmer home?
💬 Please send me a direct message or leave me a comment below, I would love to hear from you: firstname.lastname@example.org
Your child wants you to be happy. Their high energy is simply to help you have a strong and healthy boundary when it comes to what you say and what you mean. Come and work with me and learn follow through in a non-punitive, non-permissive and a non-bribery way.
I became a 'Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator' during the Summer and joined the Positive Discipline Association.
As a member, I attended a couple of global calls and found it so refreshing that parents all over the world are finding this Adlerian approach so transformational.
Not only does it mean that parenting can be a struggle world-wide - it also means that these principles are effective for all races and all cultures.