Mothers are not weak

*Trigger warning*

Last week I fainted, again. 

 Since I was little, to separate from my fellow humans when confronted with their suffering, has been a struggle. 

 Experiencing others in pain, led me to a coping mechanism where my system shuts down and I check out. 

What does it have to do with parenting?

It was my eldest’s 15th birthday and she had passed out in the bathroom. 

I was not “strong” enough to get her a glass of water from the kitchen.

Luckily, she had felt better quickly and came to check on me. 

My body wouldn’t move and I needed to throw up. 

My deeply caring child had brought me a bucket and I felt so utterly helpless. 

With my eyes closed on the floor, all I thought was: ‘get over yourself and care for your child’.

Sharing it with you now, makes: ‘Put your oxygen mask on first’ seem ridiculous.

Where do we learn how to?

Mothers have a tendency to put themselves last. 

In our children’s presence, we let others:

☄️ disrespect us

☄️ laugh at us

☄️ criticise us or

☄️ make us feel less than. 

“The good girl” program runs deep and speaking up when feeling something other than good, takes courage. 

How many times has a woman heard “good girl” by the time she leaves adolescence? 

I have a knot in my stomach when I think of what comes next.

Working through my adverse childhood experiences, I have often wondered if I had gotten up from my abuser’s lap – had I been allowed to experience the full range of my emotions in a safer environment?

Even though parenting may feel so disagreeable sometimes, I believe children try to avoid triggering their parent’s pain at all cost.

Why I chose parent education …

Our society of women, men and children is ready: 

We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. 

I have been seeking answers how to raise neither a ‘wallflower’ nor a ‘tyrant’ but kind, respectful, assertive and critically thinking future men and women. 

Rudolf Dreikurs wrote in 1933:

Reading this Adlerian wisdom shifted something in me.

Nobody is worth more because of:

🌱 Power

🌱 Status

🌱 Education

🌱 Beauty or

🌱 Achievements.

Everyone has already found their place, just by being here.

Last week’s events have shown me again that despite my limitations and imperfections: my children love and accept me.

As a parent you don’t have to try so hard.

Guiding children can be a lot more effortless.

The stumbling blocks we are faced with and find solutions for - are our biggest teachers and so much more powerful than we often give them credit for.

In my scenario, I need to keep trusting that friends or members of the community are stepping in and are helping out.

Let your child memorise a friend & family’s phone number or write it on a sheet of paper so they can ask a friendly neighbour for help.

What parenting obstacles have you already overcome and resolved?

(Confirming humanity: written by annett)