In recent weeks, I have been thinking a lot about why I love this ‘Kind And Firm’ parenting approach so much.
When my mentor shared with me that leading children into happiness is not only connecting, it also requires to allow a child to build confidence by experiencing his or her own strength - a penny dropped.
Parents say to me that they are doing too much.
When we do for a child what they are capable of doing for themselves, it can be a missed skill building opportunity.
This sounds very harsh and I am not saying that to make you feel guilty.
Most of my clients feel so burdened as it is.
What I am hoping to achieve is to encourage parents to step aside whenever possible and allow their child to learn by making their own mistakes.
To not want to fix everything for my children and to save them from less comfortable experiences in life, is turning out to be a growth enhancing development in my parenting skills of unexpected joy.
Parents may wonder if this means that we should make children suffer and the answer is of course ‘No’.
To be there with our sons and daughters when they fall and believing that resilience is being built when getting up again - is a very testing situation for all parents whose child learns to walk.
Whether we hold space for a stumbling toddler or a teenager who is detaching from their parents’ shelter, both require the courage to be imperfect.
What I am sharing with you next is a little personal and I am hoping you can relate.
When a recent situation challenged me to my core, I remembered what I believe this labour of love called parenting is all about.
Since I was young, it has been baffling me how others see me.
Some say that I am too much, others perceive me like a breath of fresh air and plenty in between.
When feeling rejected for who I am, it can stop me in my tracks and it feels like falling off a cliff.
Especially since becoming a mother, I embarked on a mission to return all projections back to sender.
The saying ‘it takes one to know one’ comes to mind.
Lately, I am finding so much freedom when I question the beliefs that cause my suffering.
Not only can I see that unquestioned thoughts such as:
🟠 Others are against me
🟠 I have to save her
🟠 I have to convince him
🟠 She shouldn’t judge me
🟠 They should accept me
are not my truth, but programs I learned when I was very young.
These days, I am practising sending these crippling and life-force robbing entrapments lovingly back to where they came from.
What does this have to do with the parenting tip, I would like to share?
In my experience a parent’s role modelling is powerful beyond belief.
It can lead to all kinds of incredible discoveries.
What helped me to detach from negative interactions was to approach them from love first.
Take this following situation for example.
For a mental health reset, I have been enjoying going for weekly dips on the Wild Atlantic Way, no matter the weather.
Every now and then a passer-by would say: ‘You are so courageous’.
While receiving the compliment, I can see the courage in the other.
I hope you are still following me.
My journey of not taking personal what others think and say about me when it comes to parenting, is to value their hidden treasure first.
It is not positive thinking as such but bringing love to where I used to feel fear.
If in the next moment I hear a more judgmental statement, holding my 'protection shield’ becomes more effortless.
As our children watch our every move, all our encounters make an impression and set the blueprint for their future relationships.
Would you like to hear more about how these phenomenal tools and skills are changing parents' and their children’s lives?
(Confirming humanity: written by annett)
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