When traveling through a couple of European locations last month, I was astonished how chaotic our world has become, in recent years.
Going abroad with children is an experience some parents would rather avoid and it makes sense when I share about our journey.
We left Ireland in good spirits and my children were delighted that I chose a very small airport to leave from.
Being a non-national to Ireland has been providing opportunities to build skills in navigating plane journeys from infancy.
Whether it was:
🪇 Bringing a diversity of toys during baby stage
🛫 Role-playing take off and landing during
toddler years before the trip
🧳 Involving preschoolers in packing their own suitcase
🍭 Collecting lollies throughout the year to offer releasing ear pressure in the air
🎒 School age children being responsible for their own belongings.
This Summer, I felt super proud of my daughter and son’s ability to co-operate and cruise through with ease.
Does this mean we are perfect?
Absolutely not.
Setting expectations and practising the unforeseen year after year, has taken patience and consistency.
Arriving in the sweltering heat of Germany made me want to turn right back to a refreshing Irish breeze 💨🤣.
I came down with a pounding headache.
Finding comfort in the hotel bed was testing.
All I wanted was to be rested enough to get to our final destination, the next day.
This is the moment my children started being unsettled and simply not enjoying this overnight stay.
After waking up, we were somewhat acclimatising and continued our adventure: heading for Frankfurt am Main (a major European hub where people transfer through).
I was familiar with this particular train station and thought nothing of it until the high speed train I had booked, did not appear on the departure board.
Suddenly, I noticed that we were surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of people.
The station seemed to get busier by the minute.
Asking for help at the information desk restored hope as our train appeared simply to be delayed.
Heading back to the platform with my children in tow, I searched for a space less crowded.
We waited and waited while the temperate was climbing to 33℃ and now an announcement was made that our train was cancelled 🫠.
While these are first world problems and I was grateful to be on holidays, something felt terribly disorganised.
When other travellers informed me that there was a worldwide failure of IT systems that impacted most itineraries, my intuition now started to make sense.
Joining a huge queue to find alternative connections, brought more uncertainty and confusion.
We all felt disappointed as I had set a high expectation for my children to enjoy their first German train experience.
The friendly receptionist at Deutsche Bahn shared with us that there were no seats left to the city my sister lives in.
I suggested to my children to book another hotel instead of standing in a packed train for 400 kilometres.
One of them was having none of it and insisted we take the next option and escape the bedlam.
Making decisions such as these can leave me feel completely overwhelmed.
My experienced young travel companion’s assertiveness turned out to be the clarity and judgment call, that was required.
We boarded the next train to the home of the battle of the nations monument where Napoleon was decisively defeated and exiled to Elba.
For the three of us, it turned out to be a victory and a gift out of the chaos unfolded for us.
Even though we found ourselves on a fully booked train, not many passengers had made it from their place of origin.
This silver lining allowed most holidaymakers to breathe a sigh of relief and relax into a free seat.
A feeling of connection after making it through the same struggle: opened an over 3-hour-long conversation amongst strangers.
It could have been a trainload where most faces were buried in smartphones and books.
Instead the social interest (Gemeinschaftsgefühl) humans naturally long for - brought the nations together.
We enjoyed the calm after the storm and were grateful for the air conditioning being intact.
After spending a couple of days with family, I left my children there and made my way back across Germany.
Surely everything would go smoothly from now on, or so I thought.
Arriving at this railway terminus in now almost 40℃, within minutes I learned that this next train was also cancelled.
Travelling solo and not needing to hold it together as a mother, this time I just allowed my eyes to well up.
Confronted with the immeasurable possibilities of how to get to the other end of my native country, I froze.
Would you like to know what saved me?
Alfred Adler whom this parenting approach is based on viewed all human behaviour as movement towards a goal.
Like my mantra in meditation, Adler’s wisdom was sounding in my ears:
Everything is movement.
I found myself moving towards the next train headed for Berlin.
Logically, it made no sense as the capital was a detour and my compass needle was pointing onto a different path.
Here was my gift number 2.
I was invited to practise my 2024 motto:
Befriend Uncertainty.
Another experienced traveller (also heading to the Dutch border) was like a calm earth angel and shared train connections, he found with me.
What this has to do with parenting is that the goal is to lead future adults into their own capability to overcome problems and be content with who they are.
How the journey unfolds, is what a parent can’t control.
This brings me to my 3rd and final gift.
From the experience that I had reached all previous destinations successfully, I was tested on my penultimate leg before coming home to Ireland 🍀.
Arriving at the airport for an inner European flight, a loudspeaker announced that German police was in charge of the airport.
All departures and arrivals halted.
The majority of flights already cancelled, except for mine and handful of others.
Climate activists had glued themselves to the runway and police needed to cut into the concrete.
As the hours passed, more and more tourists arrived and chaos ensued again.
Two passengers who told each other that they were a policemen and a lawyer fought over an empty seat in the waiting area.
When neither wanted to compromise: paragraphs from the law were quoted.
I reduced the noise by putting on my ear defenders and meditated through all of it.
So back to Alfred Adler and what I am learning.
The question is not why do people want to be right, the question is what for?
You may say: to sit down.
The belief behind battling behaviour is:
I only belong or contribute if I can show the other that I am more powerful or that I am in control.
What we may experience with children can often be observed amongst adults.
My aim is to support parents, teachers and care-givers and show them their ability to remove themselves from these power contests and become less reactive.
I practise this on a daily basis as the old pattern for the need to be right, was deeply engrained in my early years and passed down from generation to generation.
Hear more from me and how this may work for you as a parent by booking a free effortless call, click here: https://calendly.com/effortlessparenting
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