What happens when all family members want to be the best at everything?
Updated: Mar 24
You are probably reading this and thinking: what is she on about?
What I mean is that every family has values that differ a little from others.
Some parents are into sports, some are into reading books, others are into cars, into academics, into outdoor adventure and so on and on …
My family emphasised that everybody must read books, play chess and be really athletic.
When you arrive as a first born into this type of family, you get to choose what you pick.
I am not saying that the eldest children have it easier than the younger ones, I am saying that the dynamics in families are usually similar.
The first born will most likely be good at at least one criteria that is important to their parents.
Parents love when their children want to follow into their footsteps such as boys supporting the same team, little girls having an interest in fashion or wanting to be what the parent is when they grow up.
What then happens to the children; who come after that?
They get to pick the following according to Adlerian research:
They become better than the first one and the first one tends to give up
They have no interest at all
They make a point to rebel against it
They completely reject it
They want their parents’ attention for not being good at it.
In my case I became completely indifferent to reading books.
My parents gave up on saying: Why can’t you read a book like your sister?
My ability to read was so poor by the time I finished primary school that it took me decades to enjoy books again.
What was your experience with your parents’ passions?
Were you aligned or not?
Please let me know and send me an email to : email@example.com
The problem is that parents mean so well when they want everyone to be good at what they love themselves so that they can connect with their children by talking about it or even doing it together.
What parents are always amazed to hear on my parenting courses is that children will want to belong in any way at all.
Whether this gives them attention in a due or undue way.
What this means is that parents will label the "not so popular child" as "the bad child”.
The more challenging child in a family simply found belonging by not co-operating, like me by refusing to read books.
So what I have to offer is a mind-blowing new way of parenting whereby you understand the underlying belief of each child and respond according to their need.
What you will learn is my upcoming parenting course is a variety of tools that will help you to express your love to each child the way you intend to.
Click on "My Services" and book your place.
Parents often wonder why children, when being treated the same, turn out so differently?
Would you like to better understand how to treat them the same and achieve for each child to come out the other end and leaving your house as an adult who is fully aware of their passion and purpose compared to yours?
This sounds really harsh, I know.
However, would you not love for your child to be really clear on who they are and not be completely confused by their own needs being mixed up with your high expectations?
And here is where you can find out why your expectations are so high on yourself.
Book a Byron Katie facilitation session with me and click on the email here: firstname.lastname@example.org
Byron Katie has created a method which she calls The Work or Inquiry into our stressful thoughts and beliefs.
I have qualified as a facilitator of The Work and would like to offer you an experience to question your stressful thoughts on any topic of your choice.
An opportunity to avail of this 90-minutes session (in person or online).
Simply click the tab "Byron Katie's the work to find out prices and book an appointment for your session with me.
The work has completely transformed how I view my childhood beliefs.
I am no longer a victim and find excuses when life doesn’t go my way.
I simply question my stressful thoughts on whatever causes me pain and I find solutions for my own problems.
Have you got any problems at the moment?
Why not come and see for yourself if you can give yourself some useful advice?
My transformation is allowing me to see what I need and take action rather than being stuck in a dead end.
I have faith that everything now happens for me and no longer ask myself: Why does this happen to me?
My only regret is that I didn’t discover this fascinating technique when I was caught in my addictive behaviour patterns earlier in my life.
That’s my gift of love to you during this upcoming season to unravel your own self-love.