Have you ever felt that nobody has it as hard as you do?
My week has been quite intense.
We are having the inside of our house painted.
So this means that on top of the general work as a parent, we have a lot more organising to do than on a normal week.
What is your experience when you are stretched to the max?
Do you feel like me where you just want to run away from everything?
What I have been learning over the last couple of years is that there is always another day to get something done.
What I don’t mean is when somebody else tells you: “Tomorrow is another day”.
This used to make my situation a lot worse.
Do you know what I mean?
Change of our own ways can never come from somebody else telling us.
We need to have inner conviction to want to do things differently.
It’s a bit like starting a diet on the 1st of January and giving up either the same month or later in the year.
If we start the diet because we want others to tell us that we look great and this makes us feel happy for a couple of seconds, you are guaranteed to lose interest when the comments stop.
Having been overweight my entire life and family making remarks on my appearance since I was a young girl, I know exactly what I am talking about.
You may be able to relate with your own topic such as working on yourself to impress others.
One thing that has cured me of the endless comparisons we are bombarded with day in and day out is Byron Katie’s "The Work”
How this works is that you take a belief that causes you stress and question if that belief is even true?
You form beliefs about yourself, others and the world from infancy on and carry these beliefs with you into adult life as if you trust your toddler-self more than your grownup-self.
By now means am I downgrading the capabilities of a toddler, I am actually in awe how well able toddlers are in standing up for themselves.
What I mean is that a child’s brain and life experience is not fully able to deal with the challenges of the adult world.
However, an adult must become aware when he or she is acting like a small child.
What happened in my life is that I had rage like a temper-tantrumming young person and suppressed all my anger as a grown up woman.
So "The Work” has given me access to a part of myself that was taking over whenever I reached my breaking point.
You will stop behaving like an immature adult when you are willing to accept the vulnerable inner child inside you.
What this means in connection with my overwhelm I am feeling this week, is that I forgot how easily children deal with challenges in life.
My 8-year-old son is much better able to leave things go and do them the next day than I am.
He asked me if we can stop organising and play instead?
This entirely new concept is taking over lately in my life.
My default is organisation so that I am in control over everything.
This is of course a trauma response.
Everything I have done in my life was based on whether a situation is safe or not because I need to be able to control the outcome.
When we try to control the outcome and are not open to spontaneity, we suffocate creation in its tracks.
You have probably heard this in similar ways before and observed it in some way or another.
You can like me have some more fun in your parenting if you find a way to let go and be with your child.
Make an appointment with me and experience the work for yourself.
Email me at: effortlesssparenting@gmail.com
Our world is changing at a pace that nobody can keep up with.
Most of us don’t have the tools to not get thrown out a bit.
I speak with a lot of parents and I have a good understanding that what we were brought up with, has not prepared us for this time.
You can change things and create a calmer home if you challenge your ego who has been doing a great job in keeping you safe, however the old ways are dying and from what I hear my children say rewards and bribes only work for so long.
The new generation is here to ask us to dig deeper and have more faith in our ability to turn this ship around and steer them in to a future where respect is not earned but given by our children.
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