This week I was confronted with an old wound of self-criticism that I have been carrying for as long as I can remember.
It brought me to my knees.
In anticipation of another change in our family routine and schedule, I felt completely overwhelmed on how to work it out so that everyone’s needs will be met.
What I had never known before is that my brain struggles with linear thinking and this has always left me feeling inferior in the presence of those who can.
In school I needed to adapt when maths, physics or chemistry were taught through a lot of theory and I had to find something practical to trace my way back.
To feel somewhat in control when subconsciously realising that I wasn’t “normal like the rest of the world”, I overcompensated by becoming highly organised and planning for everything.
A trait I am now allowing to be rebalanced by surrendering and befriending uncertainty.
What does this have to do with parenting and what did I learn this week?
When I needed to figure out my own way to get to the result, it taught me that there isn’t only 1 right way of doing things.
With over 9,000 parenting programmes to choose from, there is a variety of approaches currently available.
Claiming to be an expert on how to raise children, can often only be determined in hindsight.
Every generation has its own new conflicts - it aims to find solutions for.
When trying to be different, it can be met with resistance all around.
My client, let’s call her Bee, shares with me that it feels like she is losing an uphill battle for not wanting to punish her child the way she was.
On the other hand she is questioning if she is too weak?
Did you know that an ant can carry over 20 times their own weight?
When I recently came across this community-loving animal and observed it carrying a fellow ant from our home into the garden, I was in awe.
I read that in many regions ants are said to represent:
🐜 willpower
🐜 diligence
🐜 patience
🐜 tenacity
🐜 endurance
🐜 co-operation
🐜 power.
This is a list of life skills and characteristics Bee would love for the future adults she is raising.
When we have a goal we work towards it often requires patience, long-term thinking and faith in our ability to reach it.
One online source went as far as to say that an ant can be seen as a trailblazer.
Leaving an aromatic trail from their base when exploring new avenues - ensures they always find their way home.
What if Bee was a trailblazer in the human world and by seeking a different parenting style she demonstrates tremendous courage?
She would simply benefit from reassurance that she is already on her path home.
My client Bee has been carrying so much weight that she takes her strength for granted.
Sometimes, she criticises herself for not being able to bear a heavier load because others suggest it so.
In many ways this parent needs to drop the heavy baggage to discover what a normal, acceptable and comfortable journey may feel like.
In this clarity and calm: decisions can be made that are rooted in love and allow the horizon to be widened.
Listening to a recent podcast I learned that an average adult makes about 35,000 decisions a day.
A parent makes even more and decision fatigue is real.
When Bee cuts through the heavy as lead, burdensome chains and finds the parenting style that liberates her: she says that everyone deserves to know the tools to freedom.
So many more parents could get to enjoy the rollercoaster ride and accept to take the bitter with the sweet.
Would you like to receive some details how it feels when the mental load has been reduced?
and book a free effortless call with me.
“May the fourth be with you” - as my Star Wars loving family would say today💪🏻🌌🤣.