When one of my children’s finger got burnt in the frying pan this week, I was reminded what happened to me when I was 4 years old.
My play-school’s stove was free standing in the room.
This is the early 80’s and there was no guard around it for protection.
We were told: “Don’t touch it!”
An accident happened and the back of my hand got burnt.
The burn was painful at the time and yet its sensation went away within days.
Here comes the part that hurt deeper:
Out of fear for being punished or worse for me: 🔥criticised and reprimanded🔥 with “I told you so”, you are the first person in over 4 decades whom I am sharing my mistake with, today.
Thank you for holding this space with me if you are still reading.
Back in the day, it was believed that children had to suffer to learn from their mistakes.
What we now know is that it leaves us feel ashamed and to not trust anyone.
If a child is not able to make a mistake and learns to take accountability in an atmosphere free from shame and blame, I am observing that either can happen:
A) The emotional pain is hidden and stored deep inside or
B) something/ someone else made responsible for the pain, also known as blaming.
While my physical scar healed first, the emotional wound takes its time.
Here is where the story changes to be one of hope.
I see the challenges of parenting and teaching as incredible opportunities to rewrite the program in every single moment and every single situation.
My mentor invites her students instead of ‘speaking from our wound, to speak for our wound’.
What does this mean to you?
For me it changes from feeling powerless and helpless to brining love to my wounded 4-year-old.
As our physical children often remind us of our younger selves, I would like to share not one but TWO Positive Discipline parenting & relationship tools with you.
'Hugs' & 'Make sure the message of Love gets through’:
When another wound came up for me this week which I am not ready to speak about yet, I allowed the angry tears of feeling deflated to flow.
Prioritising my needs first for few minutes, gave me courage to collect my children from school an hour later.
I hugged them and told them that I loved them.
If you see parenting or teaching in our world today as one of life’s most miraculous fulfilments that leave you speechless every now and then, leave me this 🧡 in the comments below.
(Confirming humanity: written by annett)
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