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Embracing Boundaries

Writer's picture: AnnettAnnett

Updated: Jan 23

From Defiance & Lack of Co-operation to Self-regulation & Healthy Relationships  


When Sue shared with me recently that her son was not willing to do what she asked him, she nearly broke down in tears. 


She was at her wits end and didn’t know what else to try.


Her 8-year-old wouldn’t even take his dishes to the sink when he was finished eating. 



In her opinion, he will never make a good contributor and is so worried over what others will say. 


This mum of two blames herself for having given in too often "for an easy life". 


She is exhausted from her full-time job, cleaning up after everyone and not able to enjoy these years of her child’s life before he becomes a teenager. 


Relatives of older children say to her: “Wait until the testosterone kicks in…”


This is not what I signed up for - she thinks to herself when passing baby pictures of him and his sister in the hall. 


When I listen to how she feels, I empathise and I nearly jump down into the trenches with her. 


After allowing some space for the emotions of helplessness and powerlessness to be released, I realise that this ‘kind and firm’ approach is exactly what she has been searching for. 


Rather than jumping into the hole and pushing my client out, I show her where the ladder is.


Encouraging her to take one step at a time to finally see how much brighter her world can feel, she is now looking at it from a different perspective.  


Every rung deepens this dedicated mother’s belief in her ability.


It guides her to the mutually respectful and loving relationship she imagined it to be. 


Parenting was never meant to be this hard. 


I believe that only a few decades ago mothers supporting each other more, lifted some of the emotional burden this generation now struggles with. 


Sue’s partner often tells her: ‘There is nothing wrong with our parenting and our children are fine’. 


 I agree with him 100%. 


What I can offer his partner is for her to see her 🧡 worthiness of enjoying motherhood 🧡.


With Sue in mind and many parents like her, I created a new 1:1 private service called: ‘Embracing Boundaries’.



What a parent experiences when working with me is an opportunity to effectively react differently in the heat of the moment. 


Knowing what to do is one aspect that impacts change.


To offer old patterns something new, our body can be gently nudged once it has experienced something of more value.





Sue allowed me to share that learning about her son’s stage of development gave her a whole new appreciation for what the situation felt like from his point of view. 


She can now discern which expectations are realistic and how to teach her children meaningful contributions to their family life. 


Having access to what is behind her son’s decisions, let her demands go and the unexpected can begin to happen 🥣.



(Confirming humanity: written by annett)


 

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I am a Positive Discipline Parent and Classroom Educator based in Cork, Ireland.

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