Getting your truth out and working with your child
Have you ever wondered why your child is lying to you?
All children will probably lie at some stage.
I thought my child was always telling the truth until a few months ago, I was told that sometimes the truth is hard to speak by my child.
This particular one has a great sense of justice and to be lied to would really hurt.
My child was more embarrassed about lying than what actually happened.
The situation was very sensitive and I won’t write about it just in case.
The truth would really upset this child and I will keep it private for now.
Anyway, what I am trying to talk about is speaking the truth isn’t always easy.
My experience about speaking my truth has been really, really and really painful.
The truth is not something we share easily with others.
We tend to not speak of it or tell a white lie instead.
What a lot of us are finding difficult to admit is being honest is one of the hardest things in parenting.
We whitewash the truth thinking that we protect our child but we are achieving the opposite.
The lack of language skills in our younger children has made them adaptive and children had to find a way to communicate with us.
Their way is to read our body language and interpret it in whatever way makes sense for them.
What do you think your child observes when you speak?
Do you tend to make things less harmful or less dramatic because you believe your child isn’t capable of dealing with the truth?
My time with children has taught me that they are often much better able to deal with hardships in life than adults are.
What I mean by that is that children live in the present moment and are not attached to stories from the past or future, like we are.
Take for example the passing of my sister-in-law a few years ago when my children were much younger:
My son was 3 at the time.
He asked a lot of questions about death and what would happen to his aunt.
I attempted to answer his questions to the best of my ability and as truthful as I could.
A week later, he observed that a family member was crying and he was wondering why?
I said that this person was very sad over the loss of his aunt and he asked me why we are still talking about his aunt dying?
I was amazed how a young child like this comes to an understanding and an acceptance of the death of a loved one like this.
You could argue that he is too young to understand and he knows nothing about life?
However, when I believe that death is something to fear; I become incapable of living.
What is your experience of grieving loss and explaining it to young children?
I would love to hear from you please feel free to email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
What I am trying to say is that our children often have the answer how to deal with life’s toughest situations.
I am not suggesting that we shouldn’t be in mourning or for how long.
What I am wondering is how we allow the pain of a bereavement and then move on and live in the present moment?
Is there a healthier option than being stuck in our story of our past or future imagination which can leave us feeling powerless and incapable of seeing what is right in front of us?
I have discovered a tool called "The Work” by Byron Katie and have been able to come back to the present moment by questioning my story about what happened or what might happen.
Would you be interested in experiencing how to live in the present moment?
Have a brief call with me and see if its for you.
Click here and send me a message: https://www.effortlessparenting.ie/contact
My experience due to childhood trauma has been, that I am not able to say:
"I live in the moment”.
My reaction is too strong and I needed to find a gentle tool that allows me to observe what I tell myself like a fly on the wall.
This superpower is something I would love to share with all of you.
Questioning our beliefs about a situation, gives us freedom to choose and not be reactive.
I would love to meet you and have you experience it for yourself.